Part 143: Journey's Endpoint II
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The moment I grabbed at my head, my scalp was kicked by someone at a bad angle, and my head was filled with stars... The feeling of stars flickering in this gray, twisted world...was one I remembered clearly.
My life was very similar to the one Sumadera Kasumi led. After all, as the Successor to the Ushiromiya family, I was tormented constantly with various kinds of bullying... under the guise of education and training. Yes. Having the inside of my head filled with stars like this... is a feeling I know well. When being reprimanded for some error in manners I seemed to have made, the discussion always turned to whether I was fitting to be the Successor or not. On and on about the honor of the Ushiromiya family, and how deep that was.
...By the time the conversation reached that point, I'd forget what mistake I was being blamed for in the first place. No, in fact, it was the same for Aunt Eva. After all, sometimes she'd ask herself "Umm, what was it again?" But in the end, she wouldn't be able to remember, and would say something like...
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...There'd be some ridiculous reasoning like that, and then she'd keep on punishing me. Yes. Aunt Eva's punishment wasn't something that would continue until I learned something, or acknowledged my mistake, or apologized. It would continue until Aunt Eva wanted to stop. So this violence was a bit nostalgic, in a way that made me want to vomit.
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BGM: Fortitude
Right next to Kasumi, who's smoking a cigarette, I can see Aunt Eva, almost as though the two of them are laughing together.
When I think about it, even Aunt Eva's life might be a thing worthy of my sympathy. The responsibility and pressure of being a member of the Ushiromiya family, which she often mentioned to me, had probably caused her great pain. After all, people can't make insults that they've never been the targets of themselves... It was probably the same for Aunt Rosa as well. As the youngest child of the honorable Ushiromiya family, she must've gone through many tough times. So, it was just like what Aunt Eva did to me... Just like what Sumadera Kasumi is doing now...
...Aunt Rosa... must have been the same. People tend to push the pain they're burdened with onto other people. Otherwise, they can never escape from that pain. So on and on, in eternity and perpetuity, the chain of pain and sadness does not end.
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With her magic, she didn't have to bear the pain caused by Aunt Rosa. The pain probably was pushed onto her. Its weight probably tormented her. But Onee-chan didn't carry that burden on her own shoulders. She purified it... and filled her world with happiness.
So I'm sure... If Maria onee-chan had had children in the future... She probably wouldn't have pushed the pain that had been forced on her onto her children. That chain of pain and sadness that stretched back for who knows how long, which she couldn't understand and which she had inherited, which had been forced onto her... Maria onee-chan cut it with her magic.
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In the past, I would have snapped back. I would've met her hatred with hatred, so that they'd cancel each other out. No, nothing got cancelled out. The thing being forced on me ended up right there on my shoulders. Just like how even now, I hate her. So, now that I... know of magic, I'll look at the human called Ushiromiya Eva again.
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Unable to withstand the pain of that torn heart, she was doing nothing more than howl sadly, like a lion crying in pain, like a child. Even Ushiromiya Eva was someone I should have felt compassion for. She needed someone to understand the difficulties and pain of her childhood years. Even she, who was the only survivor of the Rokkenjima crime, who was faced with the curiosity of all of society, who was publicly slandered and forced to have salt continually flung into the wound, had needed someone's compassion.
In order to let Eva forget her pain and sadness at least a little, the black witch...taught her magic, just like the times it had possessed Aunt Rosa. It was the same magic of anger and sadness...that Beatrice had taught Maria onee-chan when she was mourning for her torn-apart friend, Sakutarou. That same magic... that witch... had probably dwelled inside Aunt Rosa too. So I mustn't hate Ushiromiya Eva. Maybe... I should've become her ally, as the only person in the world who could understand her.
...What did I say to her when I was young, when she returned alive all alone...? Could it be... that I acted... as though she'd killed my family and returned on her own...?
...I can't believe it. Aunt Eva, who has never been more than a object of and a synonym for hatred throughout my life, is turning into... a human I can understand... So, I can see, right next to Aunt Eva, the form of the black witch, who taught her the black magic...
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It was only natural. Not only was no one willing to understand the pain of losing her husband and son at once, but her only relative had insulted her, saying 'Give me back my Dad and Mom'. I can make the excuse that I was merciless because of my youth. However, to her at the time, it had probably been cruel enough to sever the last thread in her heart.
...In the following days, the talk shows and magazines publicly slandered her. The truth of her husband's business and character... and even her beloved son were negated. She no longer had anything left. She could do nothing but cry and howl, trying to forget the pain and sadness at least for a while. After all, she could only feel a tiny bit of release, and only during the time that she howled. And so, the black witch taught her how to howl.
The one I hated... was the black witch. Black magic can probably release one from that pain for an instant. However, it never lifts that weight from a person's shoulders. On the contrary, it forces that weight onto further victims, filling the world with hatred. If only Aunt Eva knew of white magic... and had a true witch nearby...
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BGM: Wingless
Didn't I learn the magic to create happiness from Maria onee-chan? If I'd taught her... with that magic, could we have... built a future with a completely different relationship?
Up until now, I've hated Aunt Eva constantly. So I didn't notice the black witch beside her. Without love, it could not be 'seen'. I didn't... have any love for her...
So now, finally... I'll glare at the black witch, the one I truly should hate.
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Kasumi sneered at me. But for some reason, I had the feeling that she was crying behind that expression. Just like me, the pain of being forced into an unreasonable life would never, ever heal. The sad lion gasping in pain from the thorn he can't get out continues to howl...
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...The black witch provoked Kasumi. And Kasumi began to give herself over to that dark emotion. By turning deep sadness into an evil alcohol and forcing it down, trying to forget it for just an instant, nothing would change. The words Kasumi insulted me with... were themselves... sad. And, I couldn't forgive the black witch who had imposed that sadness on Kasumi...
...I had gone limp, which seemed to have stopped the black-suits' kicking competition. Or maybe the kickers were getting tired too. Kasumi didn't order them to stop, but at some point, they did. However, I was reflected in Kasumi's eyes, and they burned me with flames of hatred. She had been tempted by the witch to do that in order to relieve her own pain.
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The black witch grinned at me unpleasantly, using her chin to signal Kasumi to pick it up. Kasumi picked up the flowers I was going to offer, brought them all the way over to me, dropped them, and made a show of trampling them... Her expression was filled with hatred... and a frantic quality that couldn't be explained with hatred alone.
...She trampled them over and over again as though her sadness was reaching the bursting point. So the sound of her trampling it was just sad.
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Kasumi also noticed it... and picked up that book, which was heavier than it looked...
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Kasumi opened the grimoire, skimmed over the contents, and snorted derisively.
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BGM: Eternity
Of course, my hand couldn't reach. My stomach was once again kicked by the black-suits, and I doubled over...
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As though remembering something painful, Kasumi's face twisted for an instant. But that quickly disappeared, changing into a scornful smile directed at me.
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Cackling, Kasumi opened to a random page and showed it to the black-suits. The black-suits looked too and guffawed. That sneer didn't wound me. But I couldn't forgive it. After all, that sneer was ridiculing Maria onee-chan.
I don't hate Kasumi. But for forcing that unhealing anger and sadness on Kasumi, I cannot forgive the black witch... That black witch ate into Aunt Eva, Sumadera Kasumi, and Aunt Rosa, tormenting them for an eternity without letting their wounds be healed. I can't forgive her... I can't forgive... the black witch...
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The black-suits were also rolling around, guffawing. Then, grinning, the black witch whispered something into Kasumi's ear. After glaring at me with a grin, Kasumi took that page-
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BGM: Thanks for Being Born
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...It was one of the spells to summon happiness... that Maria had made with Sakutarou. Anyone knows that making sugar water, coloring it, and leaving it by the window... isn't going to make candy fall from the sky. But after repeating that every day, one time on her way home from school... She had found several pieces of candy scattered around...
How happy must that miracle have made Maria onee-chan? Didn't she treasure that candy, eating it during her night alone with Sakutarou to distract herself from her loneliness? That... magic that Onee-chan had given birth to... had been torn and thrown away... and had disappeared... The whole miracle of happiness that magic had given birth to... had been torn and thrown away...
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With a brutal, loud laugh, the black witch made Maria onee-chan's spells get torn out one after another... Magic of happiness was... sneered at, torn, and thrown away...
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Mammon cried and yelled, but she had no way of reaching Kasumi.
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The page that wrote of the Seven Sisters of Purgatory was also heartlessly torn away. The page itself was just paper. It wasn't Mammon's vessel or anything. But the tearing, denying toxin burned Mammon from the inside...
Mammon's face twisted from that heat and pain...
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However, Mammon's expression was twisted with unbearable anguish and humiliation...
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There was a shrill sound. The page had been filthily ripped out... The picture of Sakutarou... that Onee-chan had drawn... was violently ripped in half...
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A pair of the black-suits laughed vulgarly... and heartlessly trampled the two halves that had been torn and thrown away...
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As Sakutarou and Mammon... supported each other, they crouched down, sobbing...
I couldn't stand it either... Those who can't 'see' how wonderful the world of magic is... can't understand it. You can't explain to humans who can't understand. So it gets belittled. If you could show them it... But you can't... Because, in front of Humans who are filled with the magic-resisting toxin and who can't understand magic, magic cannot be used...
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...To you, it probably would look... like something made by a pitiful child. That's right. If a hundred people were to read Onee-chan's diary, a hundred people would probably think the same thing. I used to be like that too.
But you know, despite all of that, Maria onee-chan... summoned a world of happiness. Don't deny... that magic, that happiness...
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With expressions that ridiculed it from the bottom of their hearts, the black witch and Kasumi... tapered their mouths. And they said it aloud...
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